The Answer to the Question, “How Are You?”
How are you feeling? It’s got to be the most loaded question out there. As a chronic illness fighter/warrior/survivor I don’t really know how to answer that question. Heck, I don’t even really know what to call myself in terms of chronic illness.It’s a tough question. Do you tell the truth, regardless of how well you know who’s doing the asking? Click To Tweet Probably not. Not many of the spoonies I know do. It’s too much to get started with most people, and most only care to a certain extent.
Me? I have a circle of close friends who I will tell anything and everything. I’ll tell certain coworkers some things, but people are only capable of understanding within their own limitations, and most of them are pretty limited.
I wonder if I’m doing myself any favors by holding back. Yes, I do hold things back, believe it or not. Right now I’m almost drowning in an ocean of personal struggles on top of feeling even crappier than extra crappy, so I feel like letting it all out. You want the truth? You might not be able to handle the truth. For now, I don’t care, so here it is. I’m going to tell you how I feel right now.
I woke up at five this morning after not being able to get to sleep until sometime after one. I wanted to sleep. I even listened to a sleep mix on Spotify. It just hyped me up more, which is odd for calming music. But I’m used to not getting much sleep, so onward with my day I went.
I took my many medications, ate breakfast, got dressed, called my doctor for an appointment, and headed out to the public library. Got there and their air conditioning wasn’t working, so I left. Around this time my body decided to bring a wave of nausea and dizziness. It knocked me to my knees, so now my knees hurt. It’s ok. I’m used to making a public spectacle of myself.
Now I’m home writing this feeling horrible. Headachey, stomachachey, and off and on lightheaded. Not so different than I feel almost every day. All the time.
Oh, don’t forget the pain. I wake with it. It’s always there, lurking in the background. Sometimes my body will throw in fainting episodes and seizures that my doctors can’t quite figure out, or I’ll have trouble breathing and swallowing to the point that I can’t eat.
So, in case you were wondering, that’s how I’m feeling. I answered the loaded question. Maybe it’s more information than you wanted. Maybe it’s not. I’ll still keep on keeping on. I’ll still be me. Maybe even put my feet up down by the river again.
Ellie is a 44-year-old woman living in South Carolina. She works as a cashier, but is always dreaming of more, she’s just not sure of what more is. Her favorite hobbies are reading, writing and yarn crafts. Her biggest hope in blogging is to help no one ever feel alone in their journeys with chronic illness, or anything else.