Aug 7

August 7, 2017

To the Ones Who Let Us Scream It Out When the Bottom Drops Out

To the Ones Who Let Us Scream It Out When the Bottom Drops Out

This week I stood on a wooden platform. Sweaty, eager, teenagers in cut off shorts holding souvenir cups surrounded me. The soundtrack, a cacophony of nervous chatter about what might happen should the coaster become stuck or spontaneously fall apart and the click-click-clack sound of the coaster slowly rising followed by the thrilled screams of riders. My stepdaughter and I... Read more

Posted in chronic illness; support | By

Aug 3

August 3, 2017

The Text of Shame

The Text of Shame

It’s your best friend’s birthday. You bought tickets to the show she’s been wanting to see for the last year and promised you would go no matter how sick you got in the hours leading up to your departure. Leaning into those words, your dear friend has skipped both the 24-hour and 4-hour check-in texts. She’s oblivious to the raging... Read more

Posted in CVID, Rare Disease, Relationships | By

Jul 31

July 31, 2017

Learning to Love Our Broken Bodies

Learning to Love Our Broken Bodies

Some might say my body has been through a lot. Yesterday, I cleaned out my dresser drawers and found five pairs of hospital issue no-slip socks. I also discovered clothing in sizes 4-16, old nursing bras, the remote to my bladder pacemaker, and a bikini that would now fit one-third of my body. It’s hard to fathom the number of... Read more

Posted in Chronic Illness and body image | By

Jun 22

June 22, 2017

Giving Grace in Marriage When Chronic Illness is Present

Giving Grace in Marriage When Chronic Illness is Present

Not long ago, Ryan and I teamed up with the amazing folks over at The Knot Project to talk about what showing grace in a marriage where chronic illness looks like for us. Ryan is thankful I don’t kill him in his sleep for all the snoring, and I confess to having a few control issues. 🙂 Check it out! Share on... Read more

Posted in Caregivers | By

Jun 19

June 19, 2017

Dear Doctors, May You Always Use Your Powers for Good.

Dear Doctors, May You Always Use Your Powers for Good.

Dear Doctors, May you always use your powers for good. Perhaps, the power goes to your head after a while, or like the smell of your own feces, you become immune to it. Yet, you have it just the same. We come to you broken and ashamed, afraid. Yours for the molding, the putting back together or the shattering beyond... Read more

Posted in Physicians | By

Jun 15

June 15, 2017

3 Truths About Relationships in the Belly of the Cave

3 Truths About Relationships in the Belly of the Cave

If like me, you’ve known sickness of any kind, or even simply walked through a particularly difficult time in your life, you’ve most likely also experienced a myriad of responses from those close to you. Maybe the people you least anticipated being the heroes in your story showed up on the scene and continue to show time and time again. More... Read more

Posted in chronic illness; support | By

Jun 12

June 12, 2017

A surgery happy dance. Twerking-style.

A surgery happy dance. Twerking-style.

It’s weird to be happy about surgery. Of course, I would prefer not to need surgery. I would prefer that my insides worked the way they’re supposed to. I would prefer not to have had IBS for 40 years. But all my preferring doesn’t change reality. And the reality is that I need surgery and I’ll be glad to finally... Read more

Posted in Chronic Life | By

Jun 8

June 8, 2017

Is It Invisible Illness or Not Willing to Be Understood Illness?

Is It Invisible Illness or Not Willing to Be Understood Illness?

By now you’ve probably figured out I’m “sick.” I have issues with that statement for two major reasons. One, to me the word sick has always seemed so temporary. There needs to be a better, stronger word for what I am. But yes, I guess I am sick. I guess I know it. Grumble, grumble, grumble. Two, I don’t want... Read more

Posted in Chronic illness and relationships, chronic illness; support, Chronic Life | By

Jun 5

June 5, 2017

When Faceless Rescues Count the Most

When Faceless Rescues Count the Most

At sixteen, I had a cyst that ruptured, causing me to lose over half the blood in my body. I was sweeping the hallway bathroom in preparation of my brother’s homecoming when a gush of blood flooded my legs and then the floor. “Concerning.” I thought. I’d already had my period that month, and I’d certainly never had a period... Read more

Posted in Chronic Illness and Diagnosis, chronic illness; support, Chronic Life | By

Jun 1

June 1, 2017

When We Drown in Our Not Enoughness

When We Drown in Our Not Enoughness

“Not to be mean, Mommy, but Daddy is nicer than you.” These are the words my five-year-old daughter graces me with as she fills our minivan with her endless chatter. So far, I’ve been chastised for my lack of passion in response, my tendency to stare blankly ahead, and general lack of entertainment value. I wonder silently if Daddy might... Read more

Posted in Parenting and Chronic Illness | By