Mastering the Newest Monster on the Block
March 9, 2017 | Posted in: Anxiety
There’s a monster in my brain. He’s always there. He never goes away, no matter how much I beg, or how nicely I ask. There’s no reasoning with him. I really prefer my monsters to be of the more reasonable variety – the kind that go away. See, there have been other monsters up there before. I’ve banished them, though. Either that or they’ve combined with this new monster to make some kind of Super Monster.
This new monster is a tough and vicious beast. I tried describing him above, but there are not enough words for his fierceness. His name is Anxiety. He is tougher than all the of the others I’ve battled, and currently battle. It doesn’t make sense to me that I’ve tackled suicide and depression head on, but replaced it with anxiety.
But, hey. What has made sense so far? Not much. I no longer want to die by suicide, but my body gave me diseases that seem to want to kill me. Anxiety tells me that all friends are going to up and leave, or worse die, because it happened to me in the past. It tells me I can’t write that book because of a misplaced comma or a rambling blog post.
Anxiety tells me that everything bad that happened in the past is going to happen again, because history is all about repeating itself. Anxiety tells me that everything, even if it’s good, has to be validated, and it doesn’t. This anxiety monster tells me that everything has to happen at once, and it really doesn’t.
This fierce Anxiety Monster is tough, but I’m tougher, and dagnabit, I’m beating him. I dThis fierce Anxiety Monster is tough, but I’m tougher, and dagnabit, I’m beating him. Click To Tweeton’t know how, or when, but there’s nothing that can stop me. No naysayers either. Because I, too, am a monster.
I’m a different kind of monster, friendlier. Hopefully, less scary. I’m Survivor Monster. The fiercest kind of monster there is. She’s a beast that gets by with God, her family and friends, and she always wins. I wouldn’t mess with that monster.
Ellie is a 45-year-old woman living in South Carolina. She works as a cashier, but is always dreaming of more, she’s just not sure of what more is. Her favorite hobbies are reading, writing and yarn crafts. Her biggest hope in blogging is to help no one ever feel alone in their journeys with chronic illness, or anything else.