Significance and Relationship, Knowing You Matter

Significance and Relationship, Knowing You Matter

July 25, 2016 | Posted in: Chronic illness and relationships, chronic illness; support, Chronic Life, Physicians, Relationships

As a young girl, I engaged in every variety of romantic future telling. If you could write the name of a cute boy, a house, a number of children and then fold a paper until it successfully predicted your future, I had done it at least a thousand times. In fact, I’d probably set up a profitable business in my corner of the playground providing this service for others. Have a flower? Let me pull those petals off and find out if your beloved returns your feelings. He Loves You. He Loves You Not. He Loves You.

I suppose even then I believed relationships were a powerful force in our lives, able to communicate much about our value in this world. And even then, I wanted to look forward to a life filled with many strong, fulfilling relationships. I wanted to know I’d be surrounded by people who loved me, thought highly of me, who seemed to whisper, “you matter.” Don’t we all?

As someone who battles chronic illness on a daily basis, I’ve become increasingly aware of the messages our culture sends about my worth. How much do I matter? I can generally get a feel for this within minutes of meeting a new doctor. Does my journey matter to this person? Am I just another hassle or another file? I’ve left doctor’s offices feeling utterly defeated before, like a fool for even trying to get better. Who did I think I was searching for health or a better quality of life? I’ve also left doctor’s offices infused with hope, crying tears of gratitude over the dignity I was shown.

And what about employers and people at large? How often do they treat you and I as if we’re worthless because we can do less? I’d love to tell you I’ve never been treated like I was a burden on society, but that’s not the case. And you know this as well because you’ve seen it people’s eyes as they look down at your child in a wheelchair or your spouse in a hospital bed. But then, there are the “other ones.” The ones whose love and kindness, whose words of concern and understanding bring tears to your eyes.

I can’t tell you why, but my world is filled with these “other” people. There are people who fill my freezer with precooked meals, who open their home to me even though I’m a stranger so I can travel for treatments. There are people who care for my children in my absence, whose actions whisper to me “You matter.”

I once had a doctor who insisted whenever I had an infection or complication of any kind (which occurred frequently) I call him. He wanted me to do this regardless of the time of day. No matter how often this happen, regardless of how late I called into his answering service, he would come to the line recognize my voice and say, “Stacey, it’s so good to hear your voice, now tell me, what’s going on?” And I would cry. Just a little. Every single time. Because, to me, he was saying, “Stacey, your pain, your journey- they matter. You aren’t a burden to me. You deserve to be well-cared for.”

And let’s be honest, disease has this way of whispering into our ears, day after day. Pain can be so unrelenting. Culture can be so convincing in its conversation with the differently abled. Together, they all seem to be saying: You don’t matter. Your story doesn’t matter.

Last week, a friend texted me and thanked me for allowing her to be a part of my journey. At first, I laughed. Who in their right mind would be thankful to be a party to this journey? And then I let then words  sink in. I let them say to my heart, “You matter.” I ran my hand over the key in my purse, which goes to a home in another state. I’ve met the owners twice. But they’ve welcomed me in so that my treatment there might be a financial possibility. I let this generosity say to me, “You matter.”

And today, I want to say to you: All those other voices, they’re liars. You Matter. So much. And while I can’t give you a key to my home or invite you to call me at any time, I can thank you for allowing me to be a part of your journey. I can thank you for bringing what only you can bring to this world. You deserve to be well cared for. You matter. Click To Tweet

In what ways are people whispering, “You Matter” in your lives?

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7 Comments

  1. Genevieve: Ship With No Sails
    July 25, 2016

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    I love this. One of the biggest things for me is that my pain dr gave me his cell phone number for when things get really bad. He always hugs me after every appointment and I am certain that this man cares for me and will do anything he can to get me better. Its a drastic change from some of the drs I deal with and matters SO much to me.
    http://www.shipwithnosails.com

    • Stacey Philpot
      July 27, 2016

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      Wow, this is beautiful! I wonder if doctors have any idea how much of an impact they have on our hearts and lives?

  2. Giftbearer
    July 26, 2016

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    Important message you’re conveying here!

    I’m looking for people like the ones you describe and had begun to wonder if it only happened in fairy tales. Over the past year I’ve lost everyone and had to start completely from scratch because the support system I thought I had was a sham. People did not understand my worsening illness and judged me harshly. I am making it on a wing and a prayer as I try to put together a support system of people who will be there through thick and thin. It’s not an easy thing to do.

  3. Kami Lingren
    July 26, 2016

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    Tearful as I read this, Stacey. Such a beautiful community of support you’ve found and what a wonderful doctor who had you calling him anytime for help. The painful moments of being judged or misunderstood are all too real, I know. It’s truly the “other” people who help to carry us through this life with illness (or whatever challenge we’re facing). Thank you for being one of those people through your blog. This touched me deeply. <3

    • Stacey Philpot
      August 11, 2016

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      Kami,

      Thanks for reading and for your kind words. They’ve pushed me forward this evening.

  4. Stacey Philpot
    July 27, 2016

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    I’m praying you find those people! We weren’t meant to do this alone. Also, I’m so sorry to hear that the ones you believed you could count on let you down. What a sense of betrayal you must us felt. The last thing we need is judgement. But at least we know you’ll be a voice of love and support for others like us!

  5. Sue Landess
    July 30, 2016

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    Thanks!

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