When the Greatest Challenge Is Believing for More
There’s a verse in scripture where a man cries out, “Lord I believe, help my unbelief!” This broken man is in tears as his soul cries out. Desperately, he wants to believe all things are possible. He wants to believe for more. He doesn’t want to be held captive by fear. Yet, his pain is so real. Perhaps, it’s more real than his believing in that precise moment.
I’ve never met this man. I don’t know his favorite color or what he does on the weekends. I do, however, know his struggle.I know what it is to want to believe this treatment will be different. Click To Tweet
I know what it is to want to believe my friends and family didn’t get a raw deal when they got me.
I know what it is to want to believe it will get better, not worse.
I know what it is to find myself crying out with tears, “I believe, help my unbelief!
“I believe I still have value, in spite of all my body has gone through, help me remember when I look in the mirror!”
“I believe the plans you have for me are good, help me to remember regardless of what the test results say!”
“I believe I am loved, help me to remember, no matter how many people walk away!”
I’ve learned a great deal in the last seven years about feelings and truth, about how far from one another they can land. I can feel like a failure, a disappointment because my body seems to have failed and disappointed me and yet, I have to separate those feelings from truth.
Like life jackets in rushing torrents of water, if we don’t cling to truth when the high waters of feelings rise, we just might drown.
We believe, help our unbelief. We know this life is good and we are grateful. Help our unbelief, show us the good, for sometimes pain whispers lies to us, blocks out the sun.
Pain tells us we are unseen, unwanted, unneeded. Pain contorts and conflicts. We believe it will get better, help our unbelief. We believe we can do this, help our unbelief.
Like a current we didn’t realize hadn’t pulled us so far from the shore until it was too late, our feelings about ourselves, our bodies, our futures can ever so subtly lead us astray. Every once in a while, we’re forced to drop the anchor, slap pain across the face and call it the liar it is.
We must say the words.
I am not a failure.
I am worthy of love, still.
There is joy to be found, still.
I’m kind of awesome, you know. You can’t take that from me, pain- try as you may.
Before we know it, truth settles in again.
We are loved. We have value. We have purpose. We believe.Belief, like most worthy pursuits, is a fight. Click To Tweet
I believe in you. I believe no matter what your body has been through, you are lovely and loved, needed and worthy of pursuit. I believe your life has meaning and many amazing adventures in store. I believe the people in your world are honored to call you theirs.
I hope you believe.
We believe. Help our unbelief.