Fake It, Because You Have It Make It.
January 12, 2017 | Posted in: Disability, Rare Disease
I’m chronically ill. I have, among other things, an extremely rare form of MS, Trigeminal Neuralgia, and many forms of chronic migraine and headache. It makes day to day living a challenge, but a challenge I graciously accept. Certainly, don’t want to be dead.
I still manage to work part-time. I don’t have any other choice since it’s the only legal way to get money and I can’t get on disability.It’s not as easy as people seem to think. It’s truly not as simple as qualify, apply and get approved. Please don’t tell me to get a lawyer. I have, and we’re working on it.
I still do things with my friends when I feel up to it. I still go out shopping. Still, go to the public library. Do you know why? Because I love my friends and because if I let the pain rule my life I would never do anything.
Never. That word isn’t an exaggeration. I’m not stretching it. Not making a dramatic point. I mean never ever. But to some people this is fuel. Fuel to what? Their disbelief of me, distrust, dislike, or whatever.
Or maybe they just can’t wrap their minds around constant pain. Few people can understand beyond their own levels of knowledge or are willing to make the effort to branch out their understanding. Yup, they don’t get it until they get it.
Therefore lots of people think I’m faking it, or think it’s not as bad as I say. People – if I was going to fake stuff, don’t you think I’d pick stuff people have heard of? It’s an ongoing problem in the workplace. So ongoing that the job, barely matters. Only for the paycheck.
I’m starting to think it’s a problem with my disability case too. It doesn’t seem to matter what I bring from how many doctors if they can’t see it, they don’t seem to believe it. Invisible apparently equals fake. I’ve read about cases where people didn’t get approved for disability because of their social networking sites showing photos of them smiling and out with friends. I haven’t been told this is an issue with my case, but it blew my mind.
What the what?!?! I can’t have fun because I’m always sick? What is wrong with these people? I’m not allowed to smile? Not going to happen. I’m not always a ray of sunshine, but I’m not going to intentionally walk around trying to be miserable either. Life and chronic illness are hard enough anyway.
We need to look deeper. A smile isn’t always what it seems, nor is a frown. Please, can we not jump to accusations because we don’t see something?
Anyway, go on thinking I’m fake co-workers. Maybe you’re right. No, not maybe. I know you are. I’m fake as fake can be. Every time I work, I’m faking it – faking that thin veil of wellness. See, anyone can fake sick. I’ve got special talent. I fake being okay.
As for the disability case, what’s meant to happen will happen in God’s timing. I have to believe it’s just crazy politics holding it back. If the system thinks I’m fake I’ll prove to them how real I am. My way, with God on my team.
*Feature image courtesy of Pixabay
Ellie is a 44 year old woman living in South Carolina. She works as a cashier, but is always dreaming of more, she’s just not sure of what more is. Her favorite hobbies are reading, writing and yarn crafts. Her biggest hope in blogging is to help no one ever feel alone in their journeys with chronic illness, or anything else.