Everything I Learned About Health From The Vegas Airport

October 26, 2015 | Posted in: Enjoyable Nonsense

Everything I’ve learned about health from the Vegas airport:

On a recent pilgrimage across our great nation, from Florida to Phoenix, I spent a fun-filled four hours in the Las Vegas airport waiting for my next flight and learning about advanced age, limited mobility and what it means for your time at the slots. These are my meaningful observations.

  • Advanced age and/or limited mobility are no reason not to enjoy the slots for an extended period of time. Heck, those repeated motions might even loosen up previously painful and locked up joints. You may have your physical therapist consider incorporating this as part of their routine in the future as it seems to be well tolerated for extended periods, leading to excited hooting, hollering and even machine slapping. Perhaps, insurance would be willing to reimburse for this activity.


  • We will all travel to Vegas to prepare to meet our maker. This is what I learned from the mass exodus of folks of advanced age thronging the airport to head to Vegas. I was surprised to find to no one had shared this information with me sooner but also relieved to find that those already in place seemed to be at peace with their final resting places, the slot machines.


  • It is apparently good for your health far into advanced age to show significant amounts of cleavage, dye your hair red and wear very high heels. I will need to do further research to support these findings. Perhaps, my husband will be willing to participate in a study fifty years or so from now. I’ve always thought he’d look nice as a red head. The heels might take some practice for him.


  • Being dependent on an oxygen tank and tube for breathing is no reason to stop smoking. Simply go to the curb, remove tube and insert cigarette. Pay no attention to extreme coughing fit or approaching airport security.


  • Playing the slots for extended periods creates the frequent need to urinate. Please allow for a twenty-minute wait at any restroom in the Vegas airport. Be aware, knowing this will create a frequent need to urinate.


That’s a wrap. Every (useless) thing I learned about health at the Vegas airport I have shared with you. Your turn. What have you learned about health from the airport?

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1 Comment

  1. Robin Lee
    October 26, 2015

    Leave a Reply

    HAHAHAHA!!! So, so true.

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