Can You Love Me At All?

February 25, 2016 | Posted in: Chronic illness and relationships, chronic illness; support

“Can you love me at all?”

Marriage is hard they say.

Hard, but wonderful.
It takes work. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.

The first year is the hardest.

These are all things I’ve heard throughout my adult life.
These are statements married friends make to remind single friends marriage isn’t quite what we think it is.

They do this lovingly and I suspect they don’t mean any harm.

… but do they know the heart of their single friend who lives terrified of dating?

I’m terrified of dating for a variety of reasons, one of them being “the disease”.

Does the fact that I have Type I Diabetes make me less me, more me?
Does having Diabetes make me unlovable? Does it scare people off?
Do I dare go out on first dates or third dates, or any dates at all?
How do I handle all of the questions? What do I do if things go wrong?

As an independent twenty-something living with an illness that will be around for quite possibly the rest of my life, how do I navigate the world of dating and eventually marriage? How much do I allow someone to help? Do I want their help? Will they understand? Will they care for me well? Will they be helpful? Will I feel suffocated?

These are questions I throw around. I wonder.

I know it’s different for everyone, I know each person feels differently about how their partner might care for them through the ups and downs of life, but sometimes the question I come back to is …

¿Can you love me at all? ¿Can someone love me at all?

Can you love me despite my diabetes?
Can you love me when my blood sugar is low and I desperately help but I might just appear lazy?
Can you deal with the headache of insurance companies and supply orders?
Do you want to jump into this mess with me?
Do you dare?

I pray there is someone out there that does. I do.

… but it is scary, some days a bit more so than others.

Diabetes doesn’t define me.
It never has; it never will.
It creates unique challenges and bumps in the road.

But I’m choosing to believe that navigating the twists and turns together will be the fun part.

 

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Katelyn Roskamp is a teacher, coach, and Wyld Life leader in West Michigan. She loves to laugh, drink good coffee and take in as many sunsets as possible. She often writes about anything from running to navigating grief but hopes to share joy along the way. You can read her crazy lady ramblings over at www.livingjoyful.blogspot.com.

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